By the way I hurry by my GOTS project papers you’d think I was avoiding the whole thing. You might be partially right. It seems I’m much more comfortable writing about working on it than I am actually tackling it. See, here I am blogging.
Why is this? It’s partially that I am consistently reminded (whether or not it’s correct remains to be seen) that this project is going to challenge me on every level.
PERFECT rearing its ugly little head? One clue may be that I never feel capable of doing it justice. But then I don’t work on it, so of course I fail that task. Is it this simple?
It’s taken me two weeks to realize that considering asking for lightning strikes for projects unrelated to this is a bad idea as it would only serve to distract me from that which is making me uncomfortable. Better to just get to the marrow.
I’m not really the kind of person to turn everything into some sort of personal, emotional drama, so forgive me as I try to shake myself out of it by giving play-by-play details. It just turns out that I think more clearly in writing and that it’s usually writing that helps me recognize that there’s a path out of whatever dark forest I’ve wandered into. The writing creates the path, perhaps.
The job for me now is to spend the next two days honing in on what element of the story has me stuck (and scrabbling to escape) and then look for a lightning strike to break the bond.
I sometimes wonder if I’m expecting too much this early. I don’t have many personal details about my main character, but I have some critical ones. I don’t have many details about the situation she finds herself in, but there is a critical change that occurs that sets the whole thing off. But I still feel lost because I don’t know what other characters are necessary or what’s really supposed to happen in huge chunks of the story.
What I really need is a stretch of uninterrupted time and a sworn promise from myself that I will not get up to clean the bathroom, the oven, or decide to organize part of the garage. Even though all those things need to be done.
So far what has worked to just get ideas out there is the clustering. So I think I’ll relax about the number of clustered pages I create and let them keep coming. At least there’s that (though I fear I’ll be swamped with the unorganizable after this).